I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
Randomize
