i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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