people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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