he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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