My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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