he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
they're like a gay fantastic four
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
