get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
Randomize
