Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
