Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Randomize
