"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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