bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
