So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
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