I wish I could teleport
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Randomize
