Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
