Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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