just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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