I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
