I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
