1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Randomize
