Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
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