don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
