yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
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