hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Everyone says I win the strip club
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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