Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
Randomize
