if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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