she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
