he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
