So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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