Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
Randomize
