he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
