just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
It's never too late to be topless.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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