The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize
