don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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