Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
