all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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