Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
if only i could text you this smell
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
