brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
Randomize
