I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
