Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
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