I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
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