I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
