What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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