so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
