I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
