The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
