The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
