Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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