we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Randomize
