The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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