Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
