i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
