He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
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