Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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